CONSTRUCT AND DECONSTRUCT
When I was in college I was fortunate to have multiple incredible professors that impacted me greatly.
My junior year I signed up for a 6 hour Friday class called Imaginative Figure Drawing with Bryan McFarlane. I had never taken a class with him, but knew of his presence at UMD, and was familiar with his work. I always loved figure drawing and immediately admired how he approached figurative work. I admired how he allowed himself to be multifaceted and embraced combining mediums and explored his subject matter and methods of expression.
In our classes Bryan shared stories of his travels and how they influenced the development of his expression. He exuded passion and grit, and held us to a standard that drove me to spend any second I could painting. In between classes and shifts at my job I was typically in my studio; most of my Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights were spent in the Star Store painting. I wanted so badly to take heed of Bryan’s mentorship and dedicate myself to my practice the way he had during his time in undergrad. His influence on my creative practice will undoubtedly persist and there is one piece of advice in particular that resonates with me more than any other. He would repeat it consistently throughout the years of classes I took with him while walking around observing our work: “Do not treat it like it is precious.”
When I was making my biggest strides in abstract painting I was operating with Bryan’s sentiment at the forefront of my mind; telling myself “If I’ve painted it once, I can paint it again.” I had made a habit during the early years of my artistic journey of painting around parts of my works in progress that I felt good about. I would preserve those areas very carefully, desperately trying to make the rest of the painting match a beautiful 3”x3” section that I was so proud of. I’ve come to realize that the act of painting around something causes a disconnect in the painting as a whole, and ultimately frustration and dissatisfaction.
As I result I eventually learned to embrace the act of painting over my work, at first just when I needed to, and eventually I started to embrace doing so just for fun. It’s fun to be curious and see what solution you can come up with. I will never paint around something for hours again, or resist a developing idea out of fear of losing progress.
below are two photos of a finished piece I created during this time. It’s still one of my favorites.
progress photo of “Coral Dreams” 2019
finished piece, “Coral Dreams” 2019
Half way through a painting? Go ahead, paint over 98% of it. Just do it. You can always bring it back. Have confidence in your skill set, refuse to believe that you can not do something twice. And remember that not every painting is going to be your best. You can make something absolutely beautiful and follow it up by creating something that feels and looks and feels like absolute garbage. That’s the beautiful part of creating, the ebb and flow of it all.
During my senior year, and the year that followed after graduating, I started really forming my own philosophy as painter and developing my own voice in abstraction. I began really leaning into the approach and cycle of constructing and deconstructing. It allowed me to embrace non attachment in my work. Paint a section, and wipe it away. Leave the ghost of the color there, the essence of it. Apply thick paint just to scrape it with a pallet knife, leaving an interesting texture in its wake. Construct and deconstruct. Erase and recreate. I became obsessed with this cyclical approach to creating. I felt so free when starting a piece because I knew those first brush strokes and color choices more likely than not would be scarcely visible when the piece was done. It allowed me to lean into the flow, into the feeling, and translate that onto my canvas in a completely uninhibited manner. I felt I was finally embracing the creative process in its most raw and chaotic form. It was so freeing and so cathartic.
“Unititled” 2019
Embracing abstract expressionism again has felt like a reawakening, it’s been so freeing to return to this creative space. I feel reinvigorated and like I’ve come home to an important piece of myself. I can see and feel how my skills as a painter have developed over the years and applying them in this way again is so exciting. I’ve discovered new ways of mark making, new techniques, a better understanding of light and composition, of color theory and perspective. Applying those skills in a way that brings me so much joy has allowed me to see my development as an artist technically, and that’s given me a lot of peace in the fact that I removed myself from what I loved so deeply for so long. Sometimes you really do just need to throw it all out the window, try something new, and really commit to it. My exploration of landscape painting feels like a large-scale exploration of this sentiment of not treating your work like it’s precious. “Who cares if I’m finding fulfillment and joy in abstraction.. I can always come back to it. If I’m doing it now I can do it again, let me try something else for a while”.
All of this came to mind when working on the first non representational piece of art I’ve made in a very long time, initial progress photo shown below.
I was really enjoying my progress and color choices here, but suddenly felt compelled to do something that would change the essence of the piece completely, so I leaned in. I reached for my tube of brilliant blue, mixed it with some titanium white and started slapping that paint brush around, the concept for the piece evolving in my mind with every brush stroke.
What was once meant to be an ode to the onset of nostalgia and melancholy I feel as we approach the autumnal equinox, started to become an homage to the cyclical nature of the seasons. I started to think about how I could represent the changing of the seasons in a painting that felt as though you were walking through time, stumbling out of a frosty winter day, into autumn, then spring, eventually landing on the soft, warm, mossy bed of summer. So now, that’s what we’re doing.
This post feels a little sporadic, but to me the thread is there. Impermanence and change are the inevitables in life, and embracing them empowers us to grow confidently. Not in spite of those truths, but because of them. If we embrace these facts of life we will, in my experience, be more present, joyful and passionate humans. And I think that’s really beautiful.
Thank you for coming on this ride of a blog post with me, I hope you were able to find the thread and hold onto it. Thank you for reading, thank you for being here.
(Bryan’s dedication to his creative practice is still clear and ever present; it is an undeniable part of his character and how he experiences the world. Bryan continues to work creatively today doing inspiring and incredible things. If you are not familiar with his work I can’t recommend enough that you click the link below and get familiar.)
okay that’s all,
xoxoxo
Amanda
